ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
