he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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