I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
