Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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