We're facebook friends in real life
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
