Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
operation have a gay friend backfired
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
