I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
