is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
