I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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