whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
