I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
