You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
no you cant smoke seaweed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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