Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
