i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
