I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
