I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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