I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
