why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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