Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
