This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
