I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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