Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
