If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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