she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
