wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
