I must be too annoying 4 u.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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