we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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