I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Never joke about your clitoris.
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