He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
