i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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