Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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