I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How external is "for external use only"?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
