Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
