I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
