I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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