I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
