think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Enjoy the penises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
