He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
