Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
