I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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