My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
