fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
