I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
