i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
