So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my shit smells like andre
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
