You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
