did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I queefed so loud it echoed.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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