Sponge bath it is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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