when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize