Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
