Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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