about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
