i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
