He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
