hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
