I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
