her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
