the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
