she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
