I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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