If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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