Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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