It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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