why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
