Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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